| Private Education |
[Jul. 15th, 2009|10:32 am] |
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In the UK the new Charities Act has a "public benefit" provision . The Charities Commission has been looking at private schools to ensure that they are providing a public benefit. Under the guidance, that means that schools should be accessible by poor people. A right-wing blogger commented to me in all seriousness "The poor aren't excluded. They just have to pay the fees like everybody else." |
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| Spam |
[Jun. 20th, 2009|05:56 pm] |
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If you work for Pfizer, how do you filter spam? |
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| The Terrible Sweets of Evil |
[Jun. 11th, 2009|03:53 pm] |
Parma violets. Does anybody actually like Parma Violets? If you were in purgatory - if it still exists - and someone offered you a sweet, that's what you get. If you are going to create an artificial flavour, why bother if you are starting with something which looks nice but tastes repellent in its natural state, and then make it look unpleasant, too? Only in Derbyshire in the in 1970s could such an abomination be devised. I imagine they didn't even make it out of the country.
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| Anti-BNP |
[May. 15th, 2009|12:51 pm] |
For those of you who are in the UK, please watch and redistribute:
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| Swine Flu Immunity |
[May. 12th, 2009|11:11 am] |
It's my theory that eating bacon immunises you against Swine Flu. I may be wrong, but I'm willing to take that chance.
Also, Graham said that talking to Ron Edwards can give you Swine Flu. Is that possible? |
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| Jury Service |
[Apr. 30th, 2009|12:06 pm] |
I've just finished jury service. The first case, I couldn't have made up.
The complainant was a 57-year-old ex-bare knuckle circus boxer, the defendant, his transvestite ex-partner. The former accused the latter of hitting him over the head with his walking stick. She claimed that instead he had fallen over, or hit his head while on a trip to the off-license.
As the complainant gave his testimony, the smell of alcohol gradually permeated the court room. The complainant was on 19 forms of medication, mentioned he had very poor memory, and was unable to talk about his own previous convictions for so-called dishonest offences as he "was working for MI5 at the time". The prosecution established that he was once known as Mad Mick. The judge asked Mick if he wanted to sit down, as he a looked unsteady on his feet, but he said he wanted to "stand for queen and country." A few moments later, he asked for a chair. At one point Mick asked the prosecution counsel about his sex life, but he declined to answer.
Into the visitor's gallery came the fragrant Billie, Mad Mick's new transgender girlfriend. Judging by the rapid osmosis of the other spectators, she must have had a multi-decibel odour. One juror said, with some resentment, "you can say what you like about Mick, but at least he's got a partner." Billie was a tall thin black person in a tight red dress and a dishevelled wig, who kept making strange noises of encouragement to Mick. Mick was giving testimony from behind a screen, which also obscured Bille from the judge's view. "Would the person in the public gallery who keeps making noises stop at once!" Eventually, Billie took her shoes off, increasing the chife, and put her long slim legs over the gallery barrier, and was rapidly ushered out. By an usher.
The defendant, during her testimony said "Everything I say is true, even my opinions."
One other exchange amused me. We looked at photos of a blood trail on a pavement, and the judge said "There you can see some of those metal poles which protect pedestrians from runaway vehicles. What are they called...?"
Prosecution, standing up, "Bollards, your honour."
Judge, taken aback, "I beg your pardon?"
Prosecution "They are called bollards, your honour."
Judge, relieved "Oh, I see!"
After four hours of deliberation, defendant was found not guilty by a majority verdict. |
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| Hyphens |
[Mar. 23rd, 2009|09:56 am] |
There is a new film out called Lesbian Vampire Killers.
Is it about- Lesbians who kill vampires?
- Lesbian vampires who kill?
- People who kill lesbian vampires?
It's the latter. So, that should be Lesbian-Vampire Killers.
To get some idea of quite how bad this film is, the lack of correct hyphenation is, in my opinion, the least of its problems. |
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| The Delights of a Right-Wing Brother-In-Law |
[Dec. 9th, 2008|07:43 pm] |
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I have a right-wing brother-in-law; he came as part of the package. I suspect I am the woolly Guardian-reading leftie brother-in-law his sister landed him with. Despite this he has some fine attributes. He is a bloody-minded debating opponent, with well-honed conservative arguments. He is someone to talk to at large family gatherings. He provides dead deer, personally shot, for his table. He knows his wine, and is lavish in his hospitality.
But the best thing he has ever done is to raise two dexter cattle on the grounds of his manse, feeding them on grass and little else. These small, hardy beasts are pretty self-sufficient. and he proved us with a selection of choice cuts, at a more than reasonable price. I am not very competent at cooking steaks, but these steaks were the finest I've ever prepared and are up there with the best I've ever tasted. Holy crap, they were good. They were succulent, flavoursome, perfectly marbled and aged to perfection, and I served them with a concentrated stock reduction, onions tons of pepper and chips.
For this, I can overlook his unholy admiration for Margaret Thatcher, his sense of entitlement, and his low opinion of the working classes. Am I wrong? Should I feel dirty? I don't know.
I do that there will be more cattle and more steaks, and I won't change his views...
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| Thank you, Darling |
[Dec. 4th, 2008|04:35 pm] |
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This morning I bought my cup of coffee. Imagine my delight when I received 3p change, thanks to the Chancellor's recent VAT reduction. I popped next door to Woolworths and attempted to buy it for the 3p, an improvement, I thought, on the recent 1p offer. Apparently, I have to speak to Head Office, and I shouldn't mock people who might lose their jobs. |
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| Strength Through Pies |
[Dec. 4th, 2008|11:51 am] |
This is fascist Nick Griffin of the British National Party, apparently suffering from the after-effects of a bowel-related accident.
The Now Show suggested that BNP stands for Bring Numerous Pies. What else might BNP stand for?
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| Windows 7 |
[Nov. 7th, 2008|12:18 pm] |
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The BBC praises the new version of Windows as "Not too annoying." |
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| A uniquely luxurious and generous entry in this famous journal |
[May. 30th, 2008|09:31 am] |
I hate the devaluation of words, usually in the hands of ad copy agents. For example:
"unique" We even have even degrees of uniqueness. "Our bog roll supports a unique new wiping action which really gets your arse clean"
"luxury" - "our luxury loo paper has tiny microbes which personally scrub your arse with tiny scouring pads"
"generous" - if the salad is so generous, it can pay for my meal.
"famous" - "Try our famous steak" Oh, please, can I speak to its publicist first? |
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| Theme Tune |
[May. 14th, 2008|04:51 pm] |
If you had your own theme tune, what would it be?
I'd go for an ironic Siegfried's Funeral March. Dum-dum, dum-dum, doodle-doodle-doodle-dum - you know that bit.
Oh, and is it the same as your ring tone? |
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| Stop Boris Johnson |
[May. 1st, 2008|12:30 am] |
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Boris Johnson the London Mayoral candidate isn't a just a buffoon capable of screwing up London. Did you know his name is an anagram of "racist bastard"*? This is what he has said:
"They say [Blair] is shortly off to the Congo. No doubt the AK47s will fall silent, and the pangas will stop their hacking of human flesh, and the tribal warriors will all break out in watermelon smiles to see the big white chief touch down in his big white British taxpayer-funded bird."
He was also quoted by the Observer to have said, whilst in Uganda: ‘Right, let's go and look at some more piccaninnies.’ He has written of Africa that ‘the problem is not that we were once in charge, but that we are not in charge any more’; has described South Africa under Nelson Mandela as the ‘majority tyranny of black rule’; and he has written in relation to African people that ‘left to their own devices, the natives would rely on nothing but the instant carbohydrate gratification of the plantain’
From BBC News:
Mr Johnson wrote: "For 10 years we in the Tory Party have become used to Papua New Guinea-style orgies of cannibalism and chief-killing, and so it is with a happy amazement that we watch as the madness engulfs the Labour Party." But Jean L Kekedo, Papua New Guinea's High Commissioner in London, reacted angrily to the remarks.
She said: "I consider the comments, coming from a senior British MP very damaging to the image of Papua New Guinea and an insult to the integrity and intelligence of all Papua New Guineans. "I wish to state that I am shocked and appalled by such comments from a seemingly well-educated person of very high standing, in fact the alternative minister for higher education in the House of Commons.
He's recently made some conveniently timed apologies for some of these remarks.
Boris Johnson is either a racist or so utterly out of touch with people outside his own little clique that he is in any case totally unsuitable to be Mayor of London.
Please vote for someone else.
*This is not strictly true, but it ought to be.
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